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About Me Member Comedy Writer Nay Nay18/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
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Panda-Girl Hungers

New Screeshot. I has it.

Yes. Your screenshot has been pwned. Thank you. That is all.
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Very Afraid

Sun Nov 22, 2009, 3:25 AM
Expiration Date:


I really am...

I'm scared right now you guys. I mean, I'm truly afraid. I mean, my whole life, I knew what I wanted to do. I changed it, yeah, but I always knew what I wanted. Now? Now I just don't know. I don't want to be a teacher or a pychiatrist or psychologist or anything anymore. I don't feel like I'm good enough to be in any kind of theatre or acting career professionally. I've taken a look at some real writing and I feel so inferior. How can I seriously hope to be a professional at anything when I'm just not good at the things I have a passion for and I'm not passionate about anything I'm good at? What the hell is in store for me then? Working at Macy's behind a counter for the rest of my life? Making fucking ice cream? falling into a career after years af what will turn into pointless college and money? What can I do?

I lost control. I lost control of everything. EVERYTHING. I can't do anything anymore. What am I even good for anymore? I try to take control of things and it just flies right out of my hands. I can't keep anything for myself. Nothing's left. I don't know what to do. I'm scared and I'm tired no matter how much I sleep and I just want somehting to work out, just for a bit. I hate this. I hate the tears I can't control and I hate the blood I can't control and I hate the trip I can't control and I hate the money (or lack thereof) I can't control I hate the sleep I can't control and teh money I can't control and the whole FUCKING life that I CANNOT FUCKING CONTROL! I NEED SOMETHING. I NEED IT.

I'm lost. I'm lost and I'm scared and I don't know what's coming or where I'm going and I don't know if I can pass things into God's hands anymore because that's just one more thing that I've lost control of. I can't hand over the little bit I feel like I've got even when I really know I don't have it.

I want something. I want to make a choice and have it turn out. I want my hands to not shake and I want to give up this thing that I've got that hurts me that I can't control. I want to not cry at night. I want my roommate to care or notice, just fucking notice that there is something wrong with me. Seriously wrong. So, so wrong...

I want to be what I thought I was. I want to be half of what I thought I was.

I don't even know what I want anymore....

and after saying something like that it feels so pretentious to put these up after...

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Journal skin graphics by ^Ikue
code by: `Helewidis, =pica-ae, and =JuiceYoshi

Clubs:
:iconhaku-in-the-mist: :iconkunoichi-club: :iconhogwartsart: :iconfire--and--freckles: :iconharrypotterfans: :iconhufflepuffs-rockit: :iconanimeloverclub: :iconharry-potter-club: :iconweasleyandweasley::iconp-o-k-e-m-o-n-club: :iconthe-volturi:



Friends:
:icondisappearforever: :iconhyperhugz: :iconkanna1029: :iconkisashikaobsessed: :iconmeisho: :iconveggiebaka-chan: :iconfearsunspoken: :iconhyperactive721: :iconakwardrocketfairy: :iconthelittlestbloodrose:


  • Mood: Distressed
  • Listening to: Come Back To Texas by Bowling For Soup
  • Reading: Barack Obama Is Your New Bicycle
  • Watching: myself fall apart...
  • Playing: a game i can't win

deviantID

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Bullcrap XP
  • Interests: Writing, Harry Potter, Naruto, my computer (Gonzales), Dance music, DDR, cute things, Manga, anime
  • Favourite artist: hakumo, Ranna, Jaliet, Satomi Ikezawa, Tomoko Hayakawa, ariyo-chan!! :heart:
  • Favourite poet or writer: JK Rowling
  • Favourite photographer: my friend henna chan. but she doesn\'t think she\'s very good. that\'s too bad... and
  • Favourite game: Katamari Damacy, DDR Extreme 2, Soul Caliber 3, Dark Cloud, Harvest Moon
  • Favourite cartoon character: Kankurou, Haku (Naruto) Al, Ed (Fullmetal Alchemist) Edward, Emmett, Alice, Jasper (Twilight)
  • Tools of the Trade: MS Paint, MS Word, a camera, and (if I can upload) pencils (for now)

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Comments


:icongizbear:
:iconwootplz: :iconmypleasureplz: :iconteaheeplz:

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Gooble Gobble, Gooble Gobble! One of us! One of us! We accept you, one of us!

~~~

Avatar made by ~YaREBIddY
:iconthequeenserena:
thanks for the fav =)

--
«There's no meaning to a flower unless it blooms» ; la petite tigresse
:icongizbear:
:iconwootplz: :iconmypleasureplz: :iconteaheeplz:

--
Gooble Gobble, Gooble Gobble! One of us! One of us! We accept you, one of us!

~~~

Avatar made by ~YaREBIddY
:iconceles87:
Hello. Thank you very much for the many :+fav:-s. :thanks:

--
"We are all monsters, ma chérie." - Sabin (my OC)

Donate AfterlifeUSEC your heart ~ [link]
:icongizbear:
:iconwootplz: :iconmypleasureplz: :iconteaheeplz:

--
Gooble Gobble, Gooble Gobble! One of us! One of us! We accept you, one of us!

~~~

Avatar made by ~YaREBIddY
:iconcolourblind-crayon:
Thanks for the fave on Cullen vs. Potter!
:icongizbear:
:iconwootplz: :iconmypleasureplz: :iconteaheeplz:

--
Gooble Gobble, Gooble Gobble! One of us! One of us! We accept you, one of us!

~~~

Avatar made by ~YaREBIddY
:iconjaliet:
heloooo, thanks for the faav =D

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my Comic, visit her! ~lucia-without-sandia
my DA portfolio [link]
my web [link]

:stereo:
:icongizbear:
^_^ not a problem sugar!!!

--
Gooble Gobble, Gooble Gobble! One of us! One of us! We accept you, one of us!

~~~

Avatar made by ~YaREBIddY

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